I thought this might be a funny way to start this post since it describes my weekend.
Everything this week has been, for lack of a better term, off.
To start things off I caught a cold from one of my freshmen girls, this time making my body very weak and squeamish. It's been hard to get rid of it due to lack of sleep and nourishment.
I found myself behind in all of my classes (this rarely happens in my case), seeing as I've been putting my two jobs before my schoolwork.
Then, I had to deal with the unpleasant part of my job as an RA, asking God, "What is your purpose in this?!" Twice.
Eventually I realized that I was "unhappy" with how low my dosage of adventure has been. If you know me, you know that I love adventures, and lately my biggest adventure has been a trip to the Daily Brew to get some homework done.
I rejected serving at my church this weekend due to a conflict in schedule. This made me very sad, because I always look forward to serving at Sandals, it's normally the highlight of my week, and a breath of fresh air.
There was one big deadline and one big Cottage event all in one week, both in which I played a big part in. The weight felt like it was on my shoulders, but alas, it had to get done, and I'm a "Get it done" person.
Then I planned to go home so that I could spend some quality time with mi madre and have her work her mommy ways and heal me of my swollen throat (and also escape the CBU bubble for a bit), but no, I realized that I was on duty this weekend, meaning that I would spend six hours of my Friday and Saturday in a tiny room, mainly by myself.
Then this weekend I felt lonely- there is nothing more to that, I just felt lonely.
Ok, so its been a rough week. But there were also things that I was very thankful for this week.
Like, having the chance to do the favorite part of my job as an RA at the same time of doing the unpleasant part of my job. God opened BIG opportunities with this situation, and I couldn't be anymore thankful.
From another situation came the opportunity of getting to know some of my residents on a deeper level.
From my sickness has come, well, self-awareness. I know that I need to get more sleep, and also to eat healthier. I can't turn to chocolate every time i'm feeling low, I need to turn to celery... or something like that.
This week, I grew closer to one of my dearest friends, a person who is upfront with how she feels, and real with herself. We hung out a lot and this made me really happy.
This weekend I got caught up with my homework! Hooray! I'm no longer behind!
This weekend, I drew closer to God. Through all this hoopla I saw the hand of God guiding me in my words, actions, and emotions. I didn't see any of my "struggles" in vain, God opened my eyes to His purpose and His glory once again and I'm not bitter of my circumstances.
I read a devotional today that reminded me how pointless all this complaining and feeling sorry for myself really was.
This passage is what stood out to me as I reflected on how low I felt this week:
"I must learn that the purpose of my life belongs to God, not me. God is using me from His great personal perspective, and all He asks of me is that I trust Him. I should never say, 'Lord, this causes me such heartache.' To talk that way makes me a stumbling block. When I stop telling God what I want, He can freely work His will in me without any hindrance. He can crush me, exalt me, or do anything else He chooses. He simply asks me to have absolute faith in Him and His goodness. Self-pity is of the devil, and if I wallow in it I cannot be used by God for His purpose in the world. Doing this creates for me my own cozy 'world within the world,' and God will not be allowed to move me from it because of my fear of being 'frost-bitten.' "
So, the purpose of this blog entry is not for people to feel sorry for me, but rather to see that God is glorified even when one fails, feels lonely, or has an "off" week. Our lives should be used for God's purpose to be fulfilled and not for our own comfort or happiness.
